SELF CONTROL; A GUARANTEE FOR CHASTITY/CATHOLIC YOUTH AND PENTICOSTALISM; A WAY OUT. By Tobe Eze

CATHOLI DIOCESE OF NSUKKA.

A TALK BY HILLARY TOBECHUKWU EZE (DAN~HILL) TO CYON DURING YOUTH WEEK.

TOPIC: SELF CONTROL; A GUARANTEE FOR CHASTITY/CATHOLIC YOUTH AND PENTICOSTALISM; A WAY OUT. 1CORINTHIANS 6:19.

Definition of Terms:

What is Self-Control? It is ability of one knowing his/her weak points. It can also be when the virtue temperate in one is working very well. Temperate is one of the cardinal virtues we have in life and it helps one to control his/herself. When one has self-control, one does not disgrace him/herself before people either through gluttony, sex, talking much, ITK and so on.

What is Chastity? It is ability of one to be faithful to a particular level or stage of life one is. A youth can be chaste as a youth, a married man/woman can be chaste as a married person and religious, priests, seminarians and every other groups that has chosen to remain chaste in life can be chaste in their different positions. Chastity is not meant only for priests or seminarians. Every person are called to be chaste. No matter your position, you have no right to sin. One person was telling after seeing a girl that came to visit me in my house that I should the girl over to him that this thing is no more meant for us. Another was also telling me when I told him to regulate how he sleeps with girls that he is not in the seminary.

My confusion here is, is the sixth commandment meant only for those in the seminary or only for priests. Chastity is call for everyone who is created by God. It is not meant for a particular group of persons.

Our Problems towards Chastity:

Lack of knowledge of whom we are: A man who is created by God with flesh, bone, blood and every other things in the body should know that man is a sexual being. Anyone who does not react to the opposite sex, it is either the person is not complete or the person is a gay. Socrates is an ancient philosopher who said, Man know thy self. Know that you are sexual being. This is the problem some of are having here and there. When a man invites a woman in a closed rage room, they will be telling themselves, nothing will happen and after everything something will happen.

Lack of Knowledge of Love: some of us are seriously going in a wrong direction of love. Some girls here, whenever a man tells them I LOVE YOU, their whole body physic will change. Sex is not love. Sex a consummation of love. Sex is the last thing that should come into two lovers. Love entails sacrifice of things that we have not sacrifice of things that we do not have. 1Corinthians 6:19 St. Paul tells us that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, so we not the owners of these our bodies. Let us understand the real sense of love. Love is when someone gives you what you do not have freely and not ask for anything in return. Love is when someone follows you to cry when you are crying and follows to rejoice when you are rejoicing. Love is when someone understands you in your weakness or weaknesses. Love is when someone gives you hope when there is no hope. Love is when someone gives you reason to laugh when the world has made you to cry. Love is when someone gives you life when there is no life. Love is when someone gives you hope or reasons to live when you see no reason to live.

Ability to request too much by boys and inability to say no by girls: Naturally it is boys who always ask for sex in a relationship. But these days, girls are now asking for that. There are some girls their compassionate hearts do not allow them to reject any request from boys. Ha amarọ ajụ. They do not know how to reject or refuse. Remember doing it once to say that you will not do it again is a story if there is no strong hand to save you. Ka mụ nye ya ofu ka ọhapụ mụ aka. Who told you he will leave you at that. Once you have given the first one the tendency is that you will also give for the second time and even third till it becomes part of you. Anyone who tells you that without this sex, this relationship is over is a liar. The person does not love you. Some girls will like to offer themselves as a living sacrifice offered to their boyfriends by opening every nook and crony of their body to their boyfriends. You are not making the love stronger but you are making it weaker.

Tasting food for the gods: The bible made it clear that there time for everything. There is time for everything, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace (Eclesiastes 3). Premarital sex is like what the Igbos say, “Okoro erughi eru wara ọgọdọ, ikuku bịa, eburu ya ma buru kwa ọgọdọ”. Some boys have tasted every girl around them. Equally some girls have also tasted every man that has greeted her on the road. Every man wants to marry a virgin and you go about breaking girls’ virginity. You will like to eat what is been killed by car but your own will not cross the main road. We all know that habit is the hardest thing to stop when formed. When you have formed the habit of having sex as a youth with many persons, even when you finally get married, one man or one woman will not be enough for you. When your wife or husband is not in the mood, you will go out looking for alternative. Who is always in the mood. When you have eaten something preserved for a particular time before that time, when the time reaches, it will never be of any value to you. That time, you will start to compare between your wife or husband with the other person(s) you have been doing it with. You will start to say, “The other person(s) satisfy (satisfies) me more than my husband or wife. It is too bad for a child to eat a food meant for the elders. Nri ndị okenye adịrọ mma nwata iri ya. Everything has time and stage for it. When you reach the time you will enjoy it. Just compare it with when we were small. How do you feel eating meat that your mother gave you from the pot and eating the one you stole from the pot? You will relax and eat it, when it is from your mother but if it was a stolen one you will rush it. Sometimes you encounter many difficulties in swallowing it. That is it when we start to have sex before marriage. We will do it in secret though even if married you also do it in secret but, your conscience will continue to tell you that this person or the other is suspecting you. And sin begets sin, to start the plan you are to tell many lies, it is lies before, during and after the act. Many families are not standing today because one of them has in anyway harmed his/her life through premarital sex.

THESE ABOVE PROBLEMS WILL LUNCH ME INTO THE SECOND TOPIC: WHICH SAYS; CATHOLIC YOUTH AND PENTICOSTALISM; A WAY OUT.

It is when one may have finished him/herself with all these youthful challenges of life, then the person will look for one old woman in his/her village to say that the person is a witch. Any person claiming to be seeing tomorrow for you is just a deceiver. They always start with putting serious fear in you to make you succumb to their so called prophecy.

What can we do in this situation?

Know the type of person you keep: Keeping Good Relationship: “Tell me your friend and I will tell you who you are”. Friends influence us much. Keeping a boy or a girl who is a sex addict and telling me that you will be free is a lie. For you will just pretend for a while and succumb to his/her needs and give him/her what he/she wants. And remember the language “ka mụ nye ya ihea ka ọhapụ mụ”. Who told you that he/she will leave you after taking it once? Ụzọ dị mma aga ya nga abụọ. For the fact that you have given him/her the first one, you will still give him/her and other persons two, three, four or even uncountable. That is how it starts, you will always say, just is after this one nothing on earth will make me to do it again. Akụkọ, Story, you are just joking, that will be a stepping stone to what you will do in the future. Please abstain from bad friends.

Be Focused: He who fails to plan, plans to fail. We have to have a target in life. If we have focus then we will be able to examine our lives. For Socrates says that “unexamined life is not worth living”. According to a Priest Fr. Donatus Onah he says that “His Parish Pastoral Program propels him to work harder to achieve his goals for the parish”. This is just a typical example of being focused. When day breaks, draw the time table of the day and try and follow it to the cur. At night you examine the day and know what you have achieved and what you will add more effort on. Nature abhors vacuum, when we are not occupied with things, that is when the devil comes to us. Try as much as possible to engage yourself in one or two things in life.

Be open to God and ourselves: The problem we face sometimes is, that we are not open to God who created us and even our own selves. Openness is the key to the remedy of every problem we have. Tell the Doctor what is your problem and he/she will know how to approach it. In Igbo ọya amara, n’ agwọla ya ọkara. Sickness known is half cured. So we should be open to anything or any type of relationship we engage. Ị sụọ ọkpọ ị mepe aka gị ka amara n’ onweghị ihe iji sụọ ya.

Sincerity: Eziokwu adịghịzị n’ ebe ụmụ agbọghọ na ụmụ ikorobia anyị nọọ. What we see these days is appalling. Girls and boys are no more ready to say the truth. When ask any of them anything about any relationship, the person will deny to the cur. Amaghị mụ ihe ị n’ akọ. You mean me? I don’t know what you are talking about. Who knows, if you do not know? Every person is now claiming that she/he does not know. The truth remains that, if you do not know, one day, either you know or it will know you. Ihe dị abụọ n’ otu ga eme. Two things one must happen.

Being Real: It is like without being fake you are not a matured lady or lad. Some changed their colour, eyelids, lips colour and all what lot, just to attract attention. These attentions are not necessary in life. They are just to distract you the more. Dirtiness, when you see some of them sweat, you mercy for them. One asked me one day, “why is it that you use white handkerchiefs and they do not dirty so much”? The answer was too simple, I am not as dirty as you are. It does not mean that she does not take her bath, but she robs many things on her that make her dirty. Some rob more than four lipsticks in one occasion. Three pancake, two eyes shadows and many others. Let us be real please. It is only corpse that the morticians rob all those things for them not to smell of decay. Men sag, claim to be what they are not, some deny their identity just because of a girl. Some even steal because of a girl. ọdịkwa egwu.

Prayer: Girls and boys of these days do not come to God at all. They have changed the prayer of Jacob after the fight with an Angel of God in Genesis 32:27 “I will never let you go unless you bless me”, to “I will never come to you unless you bless me”. Prayer can change many thing in these our lives. Hope in God and all will be well.

THESE ARE FROM ONE LETTER WORD TO TEN LETTER WORDS WE SHOULD KNOW.

I…………………………………………….Avoid it.

We…………………………………………Use it.

Ego…………………………………………Kill it.

Love………………………………………..Value it.

Smile……………………………………….Keep it.

Gossip………………………………………Ignore it.

Success……………………………………..Achieve it.

Jealousy…………………………………….Distance it.

Knowledge…………………………………Acquire it.

Confidence…………………………………Have it.

We pray with Mary the mother of every youth to help us on our journey towards heaven, so that all our efforts in this life may not be in vain. We ask these and every other intentions we have through our Lord Jesus Christ who lives and reigns in the unity of the Holy Spirit one God forever and ever. AMEN. THANKS.