MARRIAGE
IS NOT FOR THE UNQUALIFIED
INTRODUCTION
Irresponsibility is the bane of failure
in most of our life projects. Marriage as an institution of the greatest
importance in the history of societal creation, development and expansion needs
nothing short of the greatest responsibility on the part of the parties in
marriage for its success and thrive.
Lack of commitment in marriage is the cause of huge percentage of the
breakdown of many marriages. Statics of
the marriage breakdown and its causes show that many young men and women who
embrace marriage do not qualify to marry before they enter into marriage.
Whereby such persons are not qualified for marriage, it means that they lack
the capacity for taking up the obligations and duties of marriage. In other words such marriages would be in the
stormy waters of immaturity and are bound to fail. Continue Reading................................................
Marriage is an institution constituted
by God between a man and a woman bound together by love for the purpose of
living in partnership and producing and educating children. Scripture defines
marriage as an institution whereby man and woman are united and by such union
the two become one flesh and no longer two persons (Gen 2: 24; Mt 19:6). Canon
Law defines marriage as a covenant by which a man and a woman establish between
themselves a partnership of their whole life and which of its own very nature
is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and
upbringing of children. This partnership between the baptized persons has been
raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament (Canon 1055 §1). Civil
law defines marriage as a contractual agreement authorized by legal authority
for a man and a woman to establish social and legal dependencies for the
purpose of founding and maintaining a family. The sociological view is that
marriage is an institution which determines a mating relationship for the
purpose of founding a family.
THE UNQUALIFIED — INCAPACITY TO MARRY
A shameless man was arrogantly saying
the other day that he is living with a fourth woman in marriage, having gone
through 3 other women and gotten children with them and dumped them. The
children of four mothers are now having one father and this man claims to be a
Catholic Christian. The present concubinage which he calls marriage will soon
crash and he would look for a fifth woman. This is just a wicked and an unjust
infestation of children which is a direct abuse of children and a great
injustice to the society which the off-springs would not favor following the
impoverished growth and life they might experience since the children of such a
man no doubt have to be victims of traumatized marriages.
The marriage (canon) law indicates
that a person is not qualified to marry who gravely lacks the due discretion of
judgment concerning the essential rights and obligations of marriage which are
mutually given and accepted by both parties. In other words any person who
cannot make a critical deliberation, judgment and free decision about the
nature marriage and its properties (rights, obligations and duties) is not
qualified to marry. The law expounds further that any person who lacks due
competence in carrying out the essential obligations, responsibilities and
duties of marriage is not a candidate of marriage. Such incapacity on the part
of the man or woman could be as a result of psychological or psychiatric
condition of the person which renders him or her incapable of making the just
deliberation and decision about marriage before entering into it (cf. c.1095).
Many marriages experience breakdown because of this fact. Many who enter into
marriage in spite of their mature age are psychologically very immature. Some
have psychiatric problems either from the family lineage or causes of
accidental or drug related nature.
A person who attempts series of
marriage and always has problems and does not succeed is suffering from
psychological or psychiatric disorder. Other psychological or psychiatric
defected persons include drunkards, drug addicts, sex maniacs, homosexuals,
lesbians, violent predators-who have the habit of beating their partners,
fraudsters, chronic liars, etc. People with such ills are not mature enough to
enter into a life time covenant (marriage) which demands utmost
responsibilities towards their partners and families. Such chronically
unhealthy personalities rarely succeed in marriage. To qualify for marriage,
they need to be effectively treated and cured with proper certification before
entering into any marriage. The clear reason is that such deviant personalities
cannot make sound judgment and fulfill the essential rights and obligations of
marriage. Marriage is not meant to be a trial adventure. It is a very serious
life covenant that requires the right minds and hearts to undertake.
OTHER UNQUALIFIED
PERSONS
Other unqualified persons for
marriage include those prohibited according the law by diriment impediments.
Such are the persons who have not attained the ripe age for marriage-those with
too tender age to be able to discern and embrace the nature, properties and
obligations. Others are those who have blood relationship or relationship by
adoption; who abduct or are abducted for the sake of marriage; who have been
ordained Catholic transitional deacons or Catholic priests and those who have
received their final vows in the religious congregation; a person who hides
important information about himself or herself in order to deceive his or her
partner.
Among such persons is also a
person who is involved in killing
somebody with the intention of taking his or her place in marriage; who is
pushed into marriage out of fear or force inflicted by another person; who
plans to keep his or her intimate relationship with opposite sex while entering
into and staying in marriage; who is not willing to bear and train children
while going into marriage; who has other ulterior motives for going into
marriage apart from the real marriage; who does not believe in or has not the
plan for staying permanently in the marriage he or she is going into; who is
not capable of engaging in true sexual intercourse with his or her partner for
the purpose of pregnancy and bearing of children; who is still in the bond of a
previous marriage etc.
CONCLUSION
A lot of crisis in marriage experienced
by couples and families today are the off shoots of the incapacity of persons
who deliberately or ignorantly enter into marriage without being qualified.
Marriage as a vocation should be given enough attention with regard to its
study and preparation on the part of those who intend to marry so that they
could have the true knowledge, awareness, understanding, acceptance and
conviction of the reality of marriage and its properties.
Families, Churches and schools should
concentrate efforts in teaching our children on time the meaning and nature of
marriage. I would also advice that schools should create or introduce in their
curriculum a course on marriage and family both at the secondary school and
university levels of education. These measures would go a long way in
minimizing the rate of invalid marriages and breakdown of marriages that really
harshly affect our families and society especially today.
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