ONLY WHEN I AM ACTIVE OR DEAD By Tobe Eze

 ONLY WHEN I AM ACTIVE OR DEAD

I have seen recently people thinking the way I think and reacting the way I react. I have come to notice just like others have come to notice that people are only celebrated when they are relevant and when they are dead. If you are active, you will have many fans but if you are having challenges, you will have many foes. If someone dies now, the pictures, videos, write-ups and many other things about the person will be going up and down in the social media and so on, but when the person was inactive and suffering, no one did care. Continue Reading....,..

Almost all of us are guilty of this, I am not an exception. Let me give a practical example with myself. It was on October 23rd 2020 that I got the news of the demise of my dear brother Ejike Eze. I wrote so many good things about him, how I would have wished him to leave more, how I would have wanted to be with him longer, how he has been good to me and many other persons e t c. But now I am asking myself how many times did I call him, how many times did I chat him, how many times did I message him when he was alive? Funniest thing is that I didn't even know that he was sick likewise many other persons. This also may have happened to many other persons in this way or another way. I am just using myself as an example to show how we all are getting it wrong. I feel it is not always good to recognise people when they are doing well or when they are active and when they are dead rather it should be when they are inactive and suffering.

One of my classmates lost his father early this year. From what he told me and what I observed from  him during that period (because I was following him up) was that, the highest shock and tragedy he got was not actually the death of the father (for the father was very sick for so long), but that even those that he thought would have commiserated with him most of them did not. He expected love from so many of us and so many of us failed him in that regard (the love here is not about money). Though I did not fail him ooo. 

Another of my good friend had a serious challenge in his business, I was following him up to know how he was feeling and he was continually complaining to me that all those he thought were his friends, have deserted him because of the present situation. I tried telling him that they may not have deserted him quite alright but they may be busy with their tight schedules, they may have been engaged in one thing or the other that made them to forget that you are not following up in the line of the business. When all these people were complaining to me, the one that lost his father and the friend who was not doing well in the field of business, I felt it but not much because I was not in the situation. My little experience these few days or weeks has just made me to know the rate of what they have been passing through and so many others who have been in this situation. I have come to realise that asking about people especially those whom we call friends is very necessary especially when we loss sight of them and in their trial moments. My phone got spoilt automatically on 12th April 2021 since that day I have not been online both on WhatsApp and Facebook. I managed to get a smaller phone that I inserted my SIM, I have been using it to make calls. Reaching out to people that I needed their urgent attention. I was expecting people to ask me how far because I know I am an active person when it comes to social media. Many persons follow me in the social media especially on WhatsApp because of the jokes that I post there in order to make people happy even in this hardest time of the situation in the country. I was expecting those that claimed that they love me so much to ask me what was happening but very few did that. I expected people to try my number at least to say, “Nna, how far”. I sincerely waited for so many persons to ask me how far and they did , only few who cared (and I thank them). Even some that I called to tell them that I had issue of phone never even care to call to know how I was managing. They were just waiting for me to come back online and continue giving them jokes which I will do. Immediately I came online this morning, I started receiving so many messages of how they have missed me (akiko ndi mgbu). During our annual class meeting which was held on 8 April 2021 one of my classmates who had issue after our pastoral experience lamented how people deserted him (them) when he (they) had that issues. So many of us gave several reasons why we have not been reaching out to them, so many of us took it as just a little thing that is just passing. But I have come to notice that it is because we have not been in the same shoe, if we have suffered the same thing, we would have known how wonderful and how pleasant it is when you are remembered by someone you think loves you.

I sincerely recommend that we should make effort to be checking up on people. I think if we we learn or imbibe the habit of checking on people it will be very wonderful. I for one always send new month messages to people in my my contacts. WhatsApp to be prisized. I send it to all my contacts in order to check on them, I think we all should start doing that, it will be wonderful. I got a sweet message from someone that I sent the new month message on April 1st that she was depressed but my message showed her that someone still cares about her.

I Recommend:

If someone sends you a message, please even if you are very busy with your day-to-day , make out a little time and reply the person, if it is thank you it is very wonderful.

If you have been in a  or have passed through a system, I think you will know better than someone who joined the system newly or still in the system, always try and check on the person who joined the system newly or in the system, because you will always encourage the person to do better. Do not always presume that everything is moving well and the person is moving well. Many things are going wrong. Some of us wait earnestly for people to complain before we come to their aid, it should not be because God himself do not wait for us to complain much before he attends to us and we are Christians. If we are Christians we should be that both in acts and in words. We should reach out to people who are dear to us to know how they are feeling, it is not always easy when somebody is passing through trial times always try to remember the person in so many ways. Remember the person most importantly in the your prayers, always check on the person, advise the person when necessary, feel the pain of the person, encourage the person, ask necessary questions. Try to be a good brother and a good sister, try to be a good lover and a good caregiver to all that come around you, it will save us more than this individualism we are , do not always value people only when they are active and dead, value people in their trial times, please reach out to them, all those things you will write during the person’s active time or on the death of the, please enquire how the person is feeling and write them, it will serve better. This type of thing made my Emeritus Bishop Francis Okobo to give out a rule in the diocese when he was the Bishop of Nsukka Diocese that, no corps should stay in the mortuary for more than two weeks because, many we build mansions to beautify a burial ceremony when the person died of hunger. Let all of us reach out to people and we will reduce the number of suicide, depression, frustration, regret, and so on. Thanks.