VILLAGE MEETING (MEETING ỤMỤNNA) PART THREE By Tobe Eze

 

THIS LIFE I CAN’T KILL MYSELF OOOOO. 

Seriously I have seen that this life is actually not balanced. When you are expecting that things will fall in place for you, one nonsense will just carry itself and take away your joy. Even, sometimes people will think you are enjoying without knowing that you are already dying. This is the cause of many depressions and even suicide we see these days. I have my many challenges likewise many other persons have theirs. If so, then I cannot come and kill myself.

Is it because I am getting old and my star is still delaying. The star does not want to shine. My classmates have made it, so many of them have many mansions, cars, business enterprises, companies, working in very high offices, top positions in the politics, have highly paid jobs and so on. I am just struggling to put food on my table, my life is filled with sufferings. Seriously I need to end all these. But, many of my classmates have also died and I am still alive. Biko, I can’t come and go and kill myself. Continue Reading..........

I have seen my many friends, relations, happily married with kids. I have been in this marriage for 10 years yet I do not have any child to call me father or mother. What have I done wrong. I lived a holy life in my youthful age and I am still living it as a married man or woman. I earnestly pray to God every day, I do charity, I do everything expected of me as a Christian but what I am seeing in return is not encouraging. Who have I offended. Did I offend God or human being? Who did this to me? God I am tired of this life, I need to end everything. Mana ka mụ biakwa, some of my classmates, friends and relations have also been killed by their children directly and indirectly. Me, to kill myself no dey for my diary. 

I study more than any other person in my school but after everything, my results do not show the effort I have put in. I read, study, attend lectures, do assignments and tests but my grade is always low. I cannot explain why I am not being favoured academically. I know my classmates that do go for clubbing and parties and after everything, they will get high grades and I do not go for any. Why is my own always different. It is true that I do not fail but I need high grades. This life is not worth living for me. Why should I even think of killing myself when many are getting carryovers, some withdrawn and even some could not get and cannot get admission. This life, I cannot kill myself joor.

I am reaching my menopause and no man has come to ask for my hands in marriage. Is it my uncle doing this? Who is causing this? My family is known for good reputation. I have good character, I am a devoted Christian. Why is my case being different? God please do not leave me in this state. I cannot live to watch myself in this mess. Please anyhow it is, I need a life partner. If I don’t get one, I will kill myself. Akiko, what happens to those killed by their husbands, is it not better I remain single than being killed? What of those that are in hells in the name of marriages? I rather remain single than dying twice. In this life, na my natural death go take me, I no go fit kill myself for anything.

I have tried to please this man or woman called husband or wife. There is nothing on earth that I have not done to make him or her happy but all to no avail. Why is life turning against me. I had the opportunity and even many opportunities to marry another person but I chose this man or woman without knowing that I chose hell fire on earth. Had I known I would have remained single or chosen another person than this one that I am into. This is not marriage at all. I will end this by death. But wait ooooooo, some persons are not married at all, not that they do not want but they cannot find life partners. I should be careful to keep this one that I have than making mistake that I will greatly regret. This life I can’t kill myself. On God always

I wonder the type of children that I have, so many who have none are better than me. I asked for children but not this type that I have now. I regret marrying talk more of giving birth to children. What a bad luck I have in these children. Many families gave birth as I did, they are enjoying the fruit of their labours but mine is opposite. Obu gịnị na eme bikonu. Who have I offended? Nkem odozi iche? God I am tired of all these, I need to go and rest. I cannot be alive watching this. But chere kwa ooo, some have gone to places to get even if it is half a child and have not gotten but I have children, I can’t kill myself ooo. Some gave birth but they have died, and mine are still alive, I can’t kill myself by myself biko. I rather recourse to God thank all these stupid thoughts of mine.

My Oga had the gut to send me away without settling me. After all these years I have laboured for him, I got nothing in return. I left school to learn this business in order to make it and change the story of my family and my Oga had the gut to rubbish me. How will I start again? How will I face my peers? What am I going to do? Is it not better I end it once and for all? Sniper is very cheap or even go into the bush where no one will see me and hang myself. But let me see it from another angle, some went for the same boi thing and never came back alive and I am alive. Some went and were used for money rituals and I am save, sain and sound. Some were lost but here I am back to my people. Some went and came back mad and I am still with my brain intact. After all, I now have the idea of the business, if I see little money, I can still make it. Chai, let me go and take a cool beer biko. Why should I even think of killing myself? Ụwa na atọ ka sugar.

In any situation you find yourself, just remember that you are not alone in it, many are suffering the same thing, many are suffering more than what you are passing through. Do not always see yourself from the negative side, it will make you to take wrong decisions. See positivity in your life and it will heal you a little. Share your troubles with your friends, even if they do not bring solutions, it will certainly give you relief. Do not die in silence and in your troubles. Suicide is never an option. Keep on keeping on, keep on hoping, life will still change for good. If not as you will, it will change as God wills. Daalụ. I can’t kill myself. Always take it to God in prayers. Ụwa bu ofu mbia