LISTEN TO HER MARRIAGE STORY. By Tobe Eze

 

Accidentally I met this classmate of mine whom I have not set my eyes on since we left secondary school. This classmate of mine married just two years after our secondary school. Her husband is very rich that he bought her a car  on her first birthday after their wedding. I went to Enugu this concluded break, I was standing along the road waiting for Keke that would drop me to a place I wanted to visit. A Corolla stopped before me and someone shouted from inside. “Jesus Christ! Tobe Eze! Jesus Christ is Lord! Are my eyes deceiving me?” I was trying to understand the situation when she came out from the car. Lo and behold, I recognised her immediately (because there was no much change). We exchanged greetings, just figure out in your mind, types of words we used for the greetings since this is already the 10th year anniversary of our departure from secondary school. She offered me a ride and a lunch which I did not reject any of them. I just put a call across and cancelled my previous arrangement. She drove me to an inn and we ordered for food and drinks. Continue Reading............

Sincerely looking at her, I saw someone who was not happy, who has been suffering seriously both spiritually, psychologically, physically etc. I could not hide it and asked her about her family. She wanted to hide it and asked me where I have been all these years. Immediately I called her by her name and asked her again, about her family. She smiled and told me to wait, that after eating, she would tell me everything. So I answered her question about my life all these years. Immediately we finished eating, I went back to the question. She kept quiet for a long time. She smiled and looked into my eyes and asked me if I really wanted to hear her story. I quickly replied in affirmation.

Tobe Eze, let me tell you my story. I would not hide anything from you, hope you will have the time to listen to all of them. I accepted to hear all. As you know that I married two years after our secondary school, the marriage started with love, care and everything good in marriage. We were living so happily that I suspected even that people were envying us. After giving birth to my first child (a girl), I started noticing a little change in my husband. When I tried to asked, he claimed that nothing was happening. Life continued. My second and third issues came out as girls and that was the genesis of my problem which I am suffering till date. My loving husband changed automatically and became someone else whom I have never known. I have tried all within my power to make this man come back to me and to understand that I am not in anyway the cause of having girls and not boys. He just developed serious hatred towards me. Though he provides everything that we need, I cannot lie against him on that. My monthly allowance is there, other maintenances are being taken care of but the joy of the marriage is gone. Nothing gives joy in that house again. The worst is that it has reached the level of beating me up in any slightest mistake. Even when the mistake is not coming from me, I would be blamed and beaten. Tobe Eze, presently I am in a hell and not a home. Tobe please, am I God that gives children? Do I determine the sex that I would give birth to? Tobe seriously, I am confused. I earnestly need your prayers. This is not the man that I married I must tell you. Let me stop here because going further, I may disgrace you hear because I will certainly cry.

Wow. This is really pathetic, what have you done about the situation as regards involving your people, his people or trusted friends of his since it has reached the level of domestic physical violence. Life is a stake here. She continued. Tobe sincerely, I have tried to cushion this by myself, I feel that I should face my family problems without involving anyone in it. I have tried sincerely to see if I can solve it myself but it is getting worst every day. Right now I am very confused but I do not want to involve people. Each time I visit village, I lie to people that I am sick so that they would not understand the real situation. You know, nwanyị has no respect without a husband and again, marrying and leaving the marriage, it will not tell good about me. The worst is that you know we are wedded.

I have always been an advocate of families contending their troubles within them but since life is now involved, please, it is now above you. Involve his people and your people. If you see that no positive result is coming, please you have to undertake what is called temporal separation.

Now, listen, you are talking about women having respect if married or in the husband’s house. You may not be wrong as our culture has conditioned us to that (but a very wrong understanding of life) but you should bear in mind that it is only those who are alive can get that respect you are talking about. Those who are alive live in their husbands’ houses. The dead will be buried and after some years (for some), they would be forgotten. Do you want to die in the name of respect for nwanyị?

Going home will make you a thing of mockery, it will not tell good about you, would you prefer going home alive or being taken home dead. Anything you are protecting that is against human life is immaterial. Count your life first before talking about mockery. I cannot deny the fact that I know that it is not an easy stuff but be alive first so that solution can be found.

The worst is that you are wedded. Please and please, the marital bond that comes with wedding is for perpetuity but if life is in danger, the church has a room for temporal separation. If you have made necessary moves and no positive result is coming your way, please you have to separate temporarily in order to save life. It is not divorce but a separation that is necessitated by life issues and a period of seeking solution. I am not advising you to wake up tomorrow and leave the marriage, I am only advising you to open up to people who can help you keep this your precious life alive. Make moves biko. Tobe Eze, thank you very much, I thank my God for meeting you today. I promise to make moves as you have said and I will be updating you on the outcome. God bless you. (Of course this was not all that we discussed, just not to make it so long)

At the end, she promised to make necessary moves and I have been in touch. Positive results are now coming in. Presently she is with the parents of her husband and they are really taking care of her and the family is on the man already.

Men, it is true our culture will always promote the idea of having male children (which is very wrong) but I only wish to remind you. That female children you are rejecting, many families have done both good and bad things, gone to both good and bad places in order to get even if is imbecile girl. Appreciate the ones God has given you. God is watching

You, the woman suffering this trauma, please make necessary moves and do not die in pains under domestic violence. Your life counts more than your prestige in this context. I repeat. Life First. Thanks and Happy Weekend.

Fiction