You would not understand what we have been passing through in that family. I am not trying to paint him black, I am only trying to tell you that he does not understand life as it should be. He feels he has the whole world in his hands and none of us has anything to offer. Our father died when our last child was 6 years old. Our first son took the responsibility of a father and a husband to our mother. He is really a good man but our problem is that he does not understand that we have grown and also can take decisions on our own. Continue Reading............
Our first son left for apprenticeship (Boi) without finishing secondary school. He was settled after 6 years and he started his own business. Truly God has been with him. He has been seriously progressing and he has taken full responsibility of our family. We are 7 in the family, 4 girls and 3 boys. He trained all of us from nursery school till higher institution. Luckily for all of us, he married a wonderful wife who understands us even more than our mother. All of us have lived with her at different times. We all passed through his family training and we can testify that his wants the best for our family.
Upon the completion of his NYSC, the second school got a federal job that pays him handsomely. He is also living well but has no decision of his. Our first son determines everything he does even till date. He tried few times to take initiatives of his own and it created serious trouble between him and our eldest brother.
Our first daughter is married but not all that happy in the marriage, why? Before doing anything in her family, before taking any decision in her family, she must consult our eldest brother or seek for his permission which her husband is not comfortable with. Any decision that our eldest brother takes, not even her husband would change it. I have advised her to concentrate on her family and it created problem between them and myself.
Our third son finished his NYSC and was not as lucky as the second, he searched for job for years before getting the one he is managing now. During the time he was searching for job, he wanted to go and stay with the second son to help him get a better job in the city but our eldest brother insisted that he should stay in the village. Being in the village not doing anything tangible to keep him busy, he was influenced by the wave of the society. He got a girl pregnant and they insisted that he must marry her. He eventually married her, the wife stays with our mother in the village. It was only when that happened that he allowed our third son to leave the village. God willing, he has gotten a job that is sustaining him but not enough as a familied man he is.
Our second daughter was dating a man she loved so much that she wanted to marry. When it got to the knowledge of our eldest brother, he told her to quit the relationship for nothing would make them marry. What was his reason? That our sister went to the university and the boy did not. That he wanted a man who is also educated. Our second sister tried everything on earth to convince him that they loved themselves and had studied themselves but he insisted. Because of his fear, my sister cut the relationship. He later recommended a man for our second sister which she married. Now, our second sister is at home with our mother and our sister in-law, why? She is not compatible with the husband and our eldest brother is still insisting on them staying together.
Myself now, I have a man that I love so much. I have tried all within my power to summon courage to tell him about it but my fear is his decision. He once said to my hearing that he would never accept any man who is not from our community to marry his sister and this man is not from our community. As I am telling you this, I am pregnant already for him thinking that it would be the shortest way to win him. To my greatest surprise, he said I would stay at home and give birth to the child, that after, he can come and take the child. I have tried to see if I would win over my other siblings to myself but they are not understanding me at all. My only backbone is our last child but she is still tender to take serious decision like this. Though, I meet one of my uncles about the situation and he is behind me. I hope it will work out well for me. Please if you can advise our eldest brother for us, I would really appreciate this because we are caged. Of course I did. Now!
To you father, mother, eldest son and eldest daughter, or anyone taking major decisions in a family, please listen, most times you may will so very well for your family but remember that you do not know it all. You do not have deposit of knowledge that has no limitation. As children, you can control everyone under your care but as adults, please allow them to their good opinions even when they do not go down well with you. You may in the process of wanting the good you dream of, creat enmity between you and your children or siblings. Life is not a one way traffic, always accommodate them and even allow them to learn from their mistakes. Life is larger than you are seeing it. Thanks and Happy Weekend
(Life story from Pastoral Work 2017)
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