It
all started when we were in the secondary school. I was in JSS3 and he was in
SSSI. One faithful afternoon, he came to me under the mango tree and said “Baby
how far?” I hated to be addressed as “baby” but I managed to say “I’m fine. And
you?” As the conversation went on, he invited me to the canteen so that I can
make a choice of whatever I like. Of course I immediately rejected the offer,
majorly because of my bad notion about boys (they are devils to me). However, after
much persuasion from him, I decided to at least for the first time accept something
from an opposite sex. After that day he continued to care for me, sometimes he
brought fruits for me and other edibles. To be honest, his attitude towards me
changed my mindset about male folk. But I knew he had plan, so I was waiting
for him to woo me so that I will decline and start avoiding him, surprisingly
he did not make such move. I waited and waited but it was not forthcoming, so I
relaxed a bit.
He
bought me a wrist watch as a success gift during my Junior WAEC which I
accepted with a great joy. In the next Academic Session I began SSS1 and he was
in SSS2. We continued our lives as usual, he cared, provided and protected me
always. I was beginning to like him so much to the extent that I knew it would
be difficult to say no to him if he eventually woos me. So, I made a plan.
During
one of our break periods, he called me from the school hall requesting that I
meet him there. When I got there, he was seated and before him were different
kinds of edibles ready to be devoured. I sat beside him and we together enjoyed
what he had provided. After eating, he broke the “aku oba Nsugbe” (he started wooing
me).
Baby,
you know I love you, he said. That statement took me off-guard and I didn’t
know when I responded “yes”. This perhaps gave him morale and he asked further
“do you love me?” I didn’t know what to say, I could remember trying to figure
out a way of replacing the topic with another but none was forthcoming. I ended
up inquiring to know if the question was for me. He “yes” was mean and serious
so I knew I was it was no joke. I told him I will think about it, but he
immediately said “Love is not something you go too far to get, once you love
someone, you love the person and you will feel it, so, I see no reason why you
have to think about it”. It was as if I was caught in a trap because I had
nothing to hide again, but I remembered I had made a plan of escape if I ran
into such situation. So, I gave him a condition which was that he has to become
a Legionary for anything to work out between us. I felt that with this
condition I can win a soul for Our Lady if he joins the Legion of Mary, or I
will succeed in scaring him away if he is not willing to become a Legionary.
After assuring him that the said condition was all at the moment, he told me
that I should consider it done.
He
kept his word though I was hoping he will not. In our next prayer meeting I saw
Chimaobi seated in the front row, he was even there before me. I was surprised
to see him but very happy that I have converted one soul to our mother Mary. I
went immediately to sit beside him to make sure that it was really Chima that I
was seeing. After the prayer meeting, out of excitement I hugged him (the first
time I ever hugged a boy) and he was happy. Chima kept on attending the prayer
meeting and he was eventually registered as a full member of the Legion of
Mary.
Having
completed his own task, he again inquired to know if I loved him and if I will
be his girlfriend. By this time I had ran out of option, so I ended up telling
him that I love him so much. On hearing this, he made a sigh of relief and
gestured for a hug which I happily gave him. We stayed like that for a while
before I got myself and we got separated. From that day on, the Love we had for
each other started to grow higher day after day. The love grew to the extent
that after school, we stayed back to practice what we were taught during classes.
The
Academic session ended and it was time for long vacation. I was occupied with
the thought of not seeing or even speaking with Chimaobi for the next two
months. I was not sure if I could cope with that, and to worsen it all none of
us had a cell phone. As if that was not enough, he was to spend the long
vacation in Ibadan and I at Nnewi. It was obvious we will be very far apart for
so long a time.
But
how could I be disturbed this much for a guy, I who had no atom of interest in
guys before, who had hated any male counterpart that came my way. I couldn’t
believing I was having such strong feelings for a guy. I must be dreaming, no
it can’t be real, I thought out loud. But it was indeed real. The first three
weeks of the vacation were like hell for me. The thought of Chima couldn’t
leave me, but I started to get myself afterwards. Then I began to see meaning
in the proposition that any relationship which lacks communication dies
gradually. However, my relationship with Chimaobi did not die, it rather was
asleep.
When the long vacation was coming to an end, the
thought of what to buy for him occupied my mind, I wanted to buy him a cloth or
footwear but I was not sure of the size to buy because he must have added in
size. It is natural for one to increase in size and shape after long vacation. I
finally but him a T-shirt with an inscription “I LOVE YOU”. I bought it so that whenever he wears it, it will remind me that
he loves me and it will as well show my love for him. The plan was that once I
see him putting it on, I will respond in my heart, “I love you too”.
The
two months break which seemed to be two years for me was over, I was so excited
to see my love again. You could imagine what happened the first day we met
after our long vacation. Running like wounded lions, we ran into the school
hall and embraced each other holding ourselves so tight that it was hard to
breathe, we were like that for about ten minutes. I did not know that something
was already happening to Chima until we got separated. Jesus! Chima what is
that? I asked pointing at something in-between his legs. He gently replied, “Baby,
Chima aburo nku” (a way of saying that the reaction was normal since he was
alive and active). Forget about it, let us talk about why we are here, he added
immediately. I could not imagine what I saw. He gave me the gift he brought for
me, a red top with an opening in the chest area (it’s sometimes called ‘show
front’). On it was the inscription “Do you love me?” I obviously did not like
it, but because it was from my Chima, I collected it and thanked him. I gave
him my own but my joy was incomplete because it was oversize. Baby don’t worry
I will re-shape it, he said calmly. He gestured for another hug, but I reminded
him that he is not a log of wood. He frowned and asked me what I meant. I didn’t
want to provoke him so I hugged him again but not so tight like the first one.
We left the hall with our different gifts.
Chima
was now in the apex class getting ready to leave the school after his WAEC.
Each time I remembered that he will be leaving me behind, I prayed for his
failure or for my promotion, so that we will become classmates and graduate at
the same time. The prayer was however unanswered. I didn’t want to go through
the trauma of not being with him for a long time again. Thanks to God he came
back with a phone, a camera phone for that matter. So, I quickly gave him my
mother’s number but warned him seriously never to call unless I flashed.
We
continued our lives in school as usual but the thought of that thing I saw that
day we exchanged gift did not leave me. I continued to think about the word “I
am not a log of wood” (Chima aburo nku). Does it mean that I am a log of
wood? Why did I not feel the same way? After sometimes, I noticed that I
sometimes feel like that but I always pray and cast it away. I always deny the
fact that I am a human being to the extent that I take the act as the devil
itself not just a sin. After the encounter I kept on asking myself several questions,
such as: Does Chima see this thing as evil? Does he feel the same way as I do as
a legionary? If no, then who is right? Is Chima right and I am wrong, or is it the
other way round? The more I asked the questions the more confused I became. But
I still continued with the relationship.
The
thought of the fast approaching WAEC was a torn on my flesh, it tormented me
day after day because once I remembered that my love would be gone after that I
felt uncomfortable. I was afraid to see the end of this Holy relationship, and worst
still I didn’t know the type of person I will meet again. I was indeed sad and
emotionally disturbed. I was already feeling his absence because he had little
or no time to spend with me as usual since the examination started, but I still
understood him. I was praying for his success but deep within me I wanted him
to fail so that we will still stay together. The exams were moving fast as I
hated. I wanted it to last forever but it continued to move faster. One day
after his exam, he invited me to his place by 04:00pm. I hated that idea, but I
wanted to spend time with him so I accepted the invitation. I continued to
ponder on the invitation till we dismissed from school that day.
The
Almighty evening came and I went. He prepared all kinds of goodies he could for
my visit. He was dressed in the T-shirt I gave him as a present, but the
inscription was only “I love” without the ‘you’. He explained that he lost the
‘you’ while reshaping the cloth. I felt bad but that was inimical compared to
what he was about to reveal to me. He served all he prepared and we ate, drank,
played and danced the music playing from his phone. It was fun and indeed
splendid, but it didn’t last as he went ahead to inform me that the WAEC exam
would be ending the next day. When I heard that I immediately echoed, what? Why
so soon? He simply replied, that is it. He inquired to know where I would like
us to celebrate the end of WAEC. I immediately without thinking twice replied
“school of course. He said OK, no problem. He is a nice guy who always agrees
to all I say. But I indeed went home sorrowfully and I did not get myself
throughout the rest of the day, sleep did not come to my eyes that night. I was
asking, if I would ever see him again knowing too well that we are not from the
same community. At this point I began to quarrel myself for accepting him into
my life; Why did he come to me? Why did I give him the chance? Why didn’t we
start the relationship before the time we started it? Will he get another girl
or will he come back for me? All these and many others kept on bordering me
till the dawn of a new day. I did not want the day to break but it was out of
my control.
In
the school that day I was not myself. I was bodily present in the class but
absent minded. I was engrossed with thoughts. It reached its climax when they started
chanting Ooooeeee! Ooooee! Oooee! Oooeee! Ooeeeee! Oooeee!!! That was a signal
that the WAEC was over. Many were happy for them but I was not because of Chima,
who will soon leave me. They came out from the hall singing for joy. Some torn
their school uniform, but Chima did not do that. He came to me and we left to
snap pictures, after that, he asked me to wait that he is coming. After some
minutes, he came back with a sack and some cartons of wine. He dropped the
cartons and came to me with the sack. We went to our normal venue for everyone
has left the place which was the school hall. He brought out chicken from the
sack and chi-exotic juice for me and lastly a bottle of alcoholic drink for
himself. I was very happy and prayed that God will bless him abundantly. He
claimed the blessing and we enjoyed ourselves. When I had enjoyed myself very
well he told me that he will be going out with his classmates, and that we may
not see again for the day. Tears started to roll down my eyes, I tried
controlling it but I could not. He tried to console me saying that he was not
going to die, rather he was going for good. He promised to come back for me. As
he was about leaving, he halted as if he had forgotten something, he turned to
me and set out his hands to embrace me, I immediately threw my whole body on
him and started sobbing. He caressed me to make me stop crying. I was safe in
his hands and I did not want him to leave me but when I remembered what
happened the last time we hugged at length I released myself and took a step
backward. He concentrated his gaze on my eyes and I as if I was trapped did the
same, his lips was slowly coming closer and closer to mine but I couldn’t move,
I was helpless. Before I knew what was happening we were already kissing, I
couldn’t resist it for it was pleasing and sweet, but just then I remembered that
men are evil, so, I withdrew as fast as I could and asked him what he was
doing. He apologized and left. That was the last time I set my eyes
on him.
I
started to suffer worse than what I suffered during the long vacation. That of
long vacation was better because I knew we will meet each other again, but this
time around I was not sure I will ever see him again. I suffered this
throughout the term. After the term was another long vacation which I spent at
home. I did it intentionally so that I will be using my mother’s phone to
communicate with him. I was communicating with him almost every day till one
week to our resumption and his number stopped going. He promised to visit me
once we resume school but I have lost communication with him. I tried all I
could but MTN will always say that the number is switched off. From that day no
communication between us again. It was like a hell to me. I started to mourn
like a child who lost her father.
When
we resumed school, whenever I heard a sound of a motorcycle I would pray that
it would be Chima but none was him, he never came back for me. I continued to
suffer from emotional trauma and I was getting lean day after day. I continued
to live like that till I started to recover. Our relationship lacked
communication and so it started to degenerate. Surely life must continue as my
best friend will always say, “life must continue with or without Chima”. It
irritates me each time she tells me that but now I am beginning to notice that
she was right. From that time on, I tried living my life as I see it. Before my
WAEC, I have already recovered but not fully because whenever I remembered
Chimaobi, I will feel unhappy but not as before. Life goes on.
After
my WAEC, I traveled to Enugu to stay with my sister who was living there with
her family. The memory of Chima that was left with me was that deep kiss and
that thing I saw that day we saw each other after long vacation. However, I was
not the same again for I had grown to a mature lady, I was twenty-four then.
So, life continued and it was very much enjoyable with my sister and her
family. They took me as one of their daughters. I excelled in my JAMB exam and
I got admission in IMT Enugu, after my graduation I went for service at Ibadan.
During my service year at Ibadan, I belonged to the HIV/AIDS CDS group. From
time to time we were going for an outreach, sensitizing people to also check
their status and to abstain from sex or at least unprotected sex to avoid
falling a victim of HIV/AIDS and other STDs. It was on one of this occasions
that stumbled on someone who I never believed I will see again. The guy tapped
me at the back and said, “Hello! Chidimma”, when I turned round I couldn’t
believe my eyes, Chimaobi was there standing before me in flesh and blood, my
Chimaobi. He was surprised to see me too. We discussed at length and he told me
how he lost his phone and how life had been for him, also how he has been
trying to reach me and look for him here I am. He was into business and based
in Ibadan, we exchanged phone contacts and addresses. He invited me over for
the weekend and I was glad and eager to pay him that visit.
The
day came and I was happy for the opportunity to be with him again. I went there
around 11:00am and stayed till around 05:47pm. Guess what happened between us in
those hours spent together. There was nothing on earth a guy and a lady do when
they are together that we did not do. We kissed and from that kiss, I did
not get myself again till we finished everything that we did that day. That was
the day I lost my pride (my virginity). When I was about to go, he said “MISSION
ACCOMPLISHED”. I was startled and I immediately inquired to know what he
meant by that to my utmost chagrin he told me that he has just gotten what he
was seeking for all these years. I didn’t believe what I heard. So, you do not
love me? I managed to ask. You wanted only to know me carnally? I added. He
responded in affirmation, noting that everyone back then in our Secondary
School days felt that I was claiming to be so religious and was scaring boys
away, so he decided to do everything possible to make sure that he has a carnal
knowledge of me even if it will take a life time. He was happy to have
accomplished his mission. What I felt would be the happiest day of my life
turned out to be the worst, my heart was broken beyond repair, and the shock
was too much to bear.
I
had always wished that I will lose my virginity to my husband on the night of
our wedding, but I ended up losing it to someone who pretended to love me all
this while. This experience thought me that the devil will not stop making
effort until he accomplishes his mission of ruining your life. He may come to
show you kindness but in the real sense he is just a time bomb waiting to
explode. The devil (in the skin of Chimaobi) was caring, did everything for me,
but I didn’t know something was up his sleeves. Anyway, I blame myself for being too strict
with the opposite sex. I was too extreme in avoiding boys and it landed me into
this pitiable state. I was taking them to be evil and when the devil noticed it
as my weak point, he struck me from there.
For
you reading this, do well to always watch everything you do, be moderate in
life. Virtue says Aristotle, lies in the middle. Play this game of life in the
middle (Egwu etiti) and it will never fail you. Do things with reasoning and
critical thinking. Think before you act and do not act before you think. If you
have made mistakes in life before, it is not over, you still have the time to
start all over again. Go back to God, seek his forgiveness and decide to turn a
new live. God is not interested in your past life, what interest him most is
what you do after falling into sin. Rise up from your slumber and amend your
life.
GOD BLESS YOU!
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